Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Wait for me

Tirei uma soneca hoje a tarde, e sonhei que estava surfando num blog só de imagens.
Imagens, e mais imagens...páginas seguintes, imagens.

Acordei pensando e me perguntando, onde foram parar as palavras?
Resolvi "folhear blogs"...e encontrei as palavras, e vi que há muito não escrevo aqui.
Sim, continuo tendo inspiração, e tentando colocar em ordem uma tal história, de uma tal Bebete e fazer contato na minha próxima ida ao Brasil, já tenho o fotógrafo, mas falta muita coisa...mas depois do meu encontro diário com amigos no Facebook, me sinto alheia tudo que não remete a um futuro inesperado, tenho necessidade de feedback diário, de palavras e imagens, também sons e encontros diários...e troca de idéias, sérias, bobagens...o momento, temporário...gente de diferentes culturas, cidades, países...so many things to do,so little timeE percebi mais uma vez, que tudo na vida é temporário, por mais que queiramos nos apagar a algo ou alguém, tudo é efêmero...pouca coisa fica, muito pouca...as páginas vão se virando, de livros e blogs, de revistas, de networks...eu volto ali depois, mas sinto que os livros de papel, as fotos de papel, e a música permanecem por mais tempo. Por isso que coloquei na cabeça neste ano no meu livro...meu próximo filho.

Ontem fez 49 anos que ando respirando nesse planeta, e com o aprendizado de pranayma, melhor que nunca.
Vamos lá, em posição de montanha, deixe a coluna reta, baixe a respiração acima do ventre, levantem na ponta dos pés inspirem, e depois desenrolem a ponta dos pés expirando, tudo com muita atenção e devagar. Mais uma vez...mais uma...em holandês, e numa voz tranqüila mas com energia.

Tenho um aluno de yoga por semana( um holandês, casado, gatão, tipão, inteligente), pai de uma colega da minha filha, e assim que voltar de Londres na semana que vem, vou solicitar um trabalho voluntário pago (sim, existem essas coisas na Holanda)...pra dar aulas semanais pra loucos como eu. Depressivos, bipolares, borderlines, etc...graças a uma amiga, assistente social que mora há mais de 20 anos aqui.
Mas péra ai,pó pará...eu ainda não tenho diploma, mas tenho interesse, talento, vontade, e o curso virá assim que eu tiver um tempo livre.

Ontem fiz uma feijoada sem nenhuma carne de porco, por causa de minha amiga Ade, que como muçulmana não come pork. Sobremesa, meu clássico pavê de abacaxi, receita própria, e que pra quem não conhece é delicioso, mas eu mesma já estou enjoando. Bolo, velinhas...amigos íntimos, e que convinho diariamente...bafo...teve de tudo. Em pleno dia da semana. A festa é a viagem, um jantar oferecido por um amigo, meu irmão que está lá também...essas coisas.

Amanhã Londres "waits for me"...que nem no tune do novo Moby.
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Amigos novos, novos contatos, novos filmes, eventos, concertos, novos livros todos de yoga, mudras, mantras, mandalas, DVD's..o céu...e a vida vai passando.
Irmão enlouquecendo, irmão com câncer...rosas do quintal podadas pra dentro de casa.
As crianças crescendo e engirafando.

Acordar com ex marido cantando parabéns à você, novo telefone celular, jantares com amigas, crianças, vinho rosé, prosecco, cerveja rosé...
Festas de aniversário de amigos...presentes, e a expectativa pro Brasil...com as crianças que faz toda a diferença.

No mais Wilders o direitista xenófobo ganha as eleições na Holanda, pra representá-lo no parlamento Europeu.

Perdi meu passaporte holandês, por pura falta de atenção...achei-o dois meses depois.
Acharam-no...pra puro contentamento meu.
Tantas coisas acontecendo, com a velocidade da luz.
Tanta temporariedade como deve ser.

A lua estava muito, mas muito cheia...antecedendo meu cumpleaños...

Chanel maravilhosa cocÔ...sim cocô...

E a tristeza de ainda perceber, que tem tanta cabeça dura ao redor, tanta gente estressada, e baseando sua felicidade no outro, pressas em teorias obsoletas, tanta cegueira. Quero esquecer os outros.

Estou melhor e mais feliz que nunca, mais palhaça que nunca, mais single que nunca, mais mãe que nunca, mais louca que nunca, e ainda bem.

Respiro fundo, amanhà navegar de avião, e fazer uma oração para àqueles que se foram, aqueles, que deveriam estar mais na expectativa do que eu...viajar, sair, respirar um outro ar.

Tudo é divino, tudo é maravilhoso...pelo simples fato de estarmos vivos.

Parabéns e bem-vinda aos 49.



21 comments:

Beth Blue said...

Perua!!! Seu blog está abandonado hein? Mas eu te entendo, a vida lá fora está boa demais, né? (e nem vou falar do Facebook, hehehe)

Enfim, cada macaco no seu galho ;-)
Eu também ando mais feliz do que triste por esses dias. E assim vamos (sobre)vivendo nesta terra estranha.



greetings from Amsterdam.

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